Wake up call

 Good morning,

Waking up in the middle of the night is humbling because I realize that I am not in control.

Did I go run? Check

Did I avoid caffeine past 3pm? Check

Did I skip naps? Check

In the darkness, slowly rising to my thoughts. A surrender talk with God, specially of worries and wounds. I remember watching a video from Sister Mariam called Transformation from the Heart, which she talked about wounds. I don’t recall the exact phrasing but it went something like “wounds that are not transformed will be transmitted.” That terrifies me. I fear my wounds hurting my family and friends. Like watching family members and wishing the good of them yet feeling a little hopeless that they would permit their own wounds to be healed. But what if they tried? But what if I try and it’s not good enough? How can we surrender what we don’t fully know we need to surrender? Maybe I just don’t like the broadness to surrender everything because it’s harder to remain intentional with broadness. Like a “thank you God for everything!” Versus “thank you God for reminding me I am a light sleeper and therefor, not invincible.”

Sincerely,

Ahhhh me

Pessimisme

When it feels as if the Lord has given up on you, don't give way to sadness. Seek him with greater determination! He who is Love does not leave you on your

Be convinced that "he has left you on your own" out of Love, so that you may see clearly in your life what is his and what is yours.

-St. Josemaria Escriba

not deflated yellow balloon.

Wanting different things

Now playing: Friday Night by Eric Paslay 

"We get the behavior that we are willing to tolerate." - Fr. Mike

Out of Comfort Zone

Now Playing: Como Yo by Juan Luis Guerra

A month ago, I booked a flight that was out of my comfort zone. This was my place of doubt, booking a trip for myself. It just felt like I was wasting money selfishly. Looking back, it was one of those whimsical moments that I am grateful for. The process after booking my flight went something like this:

1. Worry
2. Guilt
3. Anxious
4. Relief
5. Present
6. Thankful
7. Grateful

God brought forth some miracles in that journey because I learned the hard way of the things I did not plan ahead and of the things I could not have even predicted. One of those being my passport conundrum. Learn from me and reapply for your passport at least 6 months before expiration!

All in all, it reminded me of a sister's quote from a talked I listened to:

"If God wants something to happen, He will make it happen and if God does not want it, than neither shall I!"

Sheepishly, my conviction was not fully present during trials, but it made sense later. God permitted me the ability to have a mom and daughter trip. I don't know the next time I'll have the opportunity to do this, but I am grateful it occurred. The depart hurt so much, because it brought forth the importance my mom's physical presence to me. Perhaps that is a lesson the pandemic brought me, and that is the reminder that I can't predict the future and to take shot on the right opportunities, the ones dearest to my heart. Not to take them for granted.

What about you? What are you capable of changing?

 sincerely,

Ahhh-me

17 years later

 Now Playing: Stronger by Sam Feldt & Kesha

In memory of 2004: my first time seeing the brood X cicadas in the suburbs of DC. While I did not get to see this specific brood in 2021, I am glad that my local cicadas sing loud enough for me to acknowledge their momentary presence. 

Lately, I've been trying to relearn French. It fascinates me that the world can be so much more connected than before. Ambroise and Mathieu (from France), have been helping me practice my French through audio and text messages. I am learning what the world is like on their side of the world, as I share what it is like here. Tres magnifique. Nous sommes freres et soeurs en Christ.

Ciao,

Ahhh-me 

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Now Playing: How Deep is Your Love by The Bee Gees 

"For true hearts there is no separating ocean; or, rather, God is their ocean, in Whom they meet and are united; they love, and lose themselves in Him and in each other."

— St. Théodore Guérin