Litany of Trust

New city - new morning

"From the believe that I have to earn Your love. Deliver me, Jesus"

-Litany of Trust by Sisters of Life

Stretching the heart

Hello,

It has been a while since I wrote a heartfelt post. Sometimes, it is challenging to start off, because I question who my intended audience is. Not the same challenges I had when I first started this blog 10 years ago, and simply thought, why not... :) I thought it would be good to reflect on some of the hard lessons I have learned through these 10 years. Sometimes the spotlight is better placed on the "tough" lessons, rather the our standard highlights that are selectively chosen for the reel.   

Aging is a thing!!! This is silly one. My own eyes are rolling. The hard lesson of consecutive injuries due to my stubbornness to believe that I had the same abilities as I did as my younger self led me trough tough times that prevented me from doing what I could have been capable of doing, if I took better care of myself.

 

Humility is still not easy. I heard it be said that one of the ways one can practice humility is when one lands themselves in an opportunity of embarrassment.  When feeling ridicule, one can mentally tell God, I offer my humiliation to you and in essence...own it. Ouch. It stings.

Nothing in this world will satisfy the longing in our hearts for God. One can be in one of the most iconic places in the world, and yet have the heart be so shut off to really be present to the scenery. At the time of the photo below, I felt so frustrated that my heart and head were in two different places. Some photos can be deceiving like this one. Switzerland was beautiful, but my heart longed for something more and no distractions could alleviate the ache in my heart. Now Playing: There's Gotta be More to Life by Stacie Orrico

There is an African proverb that goes "when you pray, move your feet." I've been learning that sometimes, when we pray, we must stay still. There have been times when what I longed for was not reality, or in opposition to what God's will was. While I vouch for doing our part when we pray to God, one's own awareness of impulsive tendencies can clarify the times when staying still is a practice of obedience to God. Now Playing: Like Incense (With Sometimes by Step) by Hillsong

 

"The hearts has its reasons, which reason knows nothing off." -Aristotle. I just want to flip a table (figuratively) when I reflect of this one because I wish for everything to make logical sense. It can be frustrating to know that logic cannot answer everything. This has been important in distinguishing the matters of the heart. Feelings come and go, but distinguishing their relevancy is the challenge. 

Vulnerability looks different in each person. I used to be so amazed that people could talk so freely about their family life or their monotonous stories of the week because to me, it would fall into the category of conversations I would not have with just everyone, only few selected people that I knew that would listen. Not just hear. In ways, I was jealous of them because I thought, how could they expose of matters close to the heart and yet not be affected on how the others would take it? I learned a metaphor by Fr. Mike Schmitz, talking about this subject. The example was a fish tank. Some people live their entire life as transparent as a fish tank, but that does not necessarily mean that they are vulnerable. Vulnerability would be allowing someone to go inside their fish tank. In essence, allowing someone into my fish tank was not necessarily a comparison into how much I shared with everyone, but evaluating if I allowed others in *prudently*. 

 

Dependence on God, and not one's own senses. For anyone that shares the same traits as me, to rely heavily on experiences and facts, it can be easy to dismiss the graces God bestows on all of us. The danger lies in the path that could lead one into cynicism, in which one loses hope that others could choose selfless dispositions. In one aspect is the lack of trust, in another, the lack of communion and respect. I for one, wish to say that I overcame this hurdle...not yet. For example are the facts of divorces, pornography, and infidelity. Though I know there is truth, beauty, and goodness in the world, the senses can act as defense mechanism to put the brokenness at the forefront. How can we replace that defense mechanism with God who can defend and protect us from all evil? How can we see the goodness in others? Goodness will triumph! Now Playing: Piece by Piece by Kelly Clarkson 

Pointing the mirror back. Typically, when I think of pointing the mirror, I think of correcting someone's actions by pointing the mirror in their direction to make their reflection visible. This lesson, required pointing the mirror back to myself... My mom, with all of her wisdom, shook me to learn from her own errors. She told me, "you do not want to be my age until you look back and realize of the beauty you didn't know you had." In its depth, this is not a topic of vanity, it is connected to humility. When my mom spoke about looking at herself from pictures of years back, I know she intended to portray the memory of how she had viewed herself back then. Is as if our present blinded eyes can deter us from seeing our worth. I don't want to wait 20 years to be convicted with truth of my own dignity and I don't want others to fall in that trapped either. 

 

More than words. The depths of love in action is so yearning to the heart. Both in giving and receiving. What moves you? Now Playing: More than Words by Extreme

Own mistakes. Now Playing: Over my head by The Fray.

Love All You Can! 

Sincerely,

Amy