Tuesday, October 20, 2020

Daily Sacrifices


Now Playing: "Mamastery" by Danielle Rose

Last week, a friend of mine share the song "Mamastery" with me. She shared how this song brought her strength for getting out of bed and starting her day and so, I had to try it for myself. 

Wow. It was like a gentle push to welcoming the daily martyrdom with anticipation. It is beautiful how this song is moving, even to those that are not mothers. It gave me the hope that often I lack, specially when I am stumble by the fears of the sacrifices I only imagine one must endure when fulfilling their vocations. 

Perhaps the song will move your heart too. 

"Cloistered in these walls

My sacrifices hidden

Consecrating life

For my children

This is where God called me

To fulfill my vows

To give my life to him

As wife and mother now"  - Lyrics by Danielle Rose

Good night,

Amy

Tuesday, October 6, 2020

The desire to be pursued

Shuffling through an early 2000's playlist, I stumbled upon the song Never Had A Dream Come True by S Club 7. The song held strong memories that were far more dear to my heart than I had realized. The depth came from what God revealed in my heart through the person. 

The year was 2005, and I had just transferred to a new school midway through the Fall semester. I was used to being the new kid and was very soft spoken. Despite that, the excitement of the unknown was still present. God truly did bless me to find faithful friends along the way. 

His name was Mark. It was eighth grade and we both shared the same classes. He was the soccer "star" and one of the class clowns. He really didn't mind making a fool of himself, and for that, I admired him. He sat right behind me. Since it was Autumn, the biggest hype for upcoming school events was the halloween dance. Mark was not the sort of boy to beat around the bush, as one morning, during our home base class, he tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to go to the dance with him. What I had wished to do at those moments, was to disappear from the classroom. Banish and never come back (because I was afraid of boys). My reaction was a nervous chuckle follow by shaking my head. I was so scared! My response did not retaliate Mark from asking again. The following week, Mark repeated his request, since my silent nonverbal response was not clear enough?! Sooner or later he got my answer, as my "no" became a bit more and more assertive. In my dreams, I wanted to go to the dance with a date. In reality, I was not ready to face the possibilities of having my dream come true. 

When the dance approached, as a very self conscious teen, I decided my halloween costume to be a casual outfit and a tiara (to "live life on the edge").  I don't remember much of the dance, just having a good time with a group of friends. What I do remember was the switch of tunes, when the first melodies of the slow song played on the speakers. It was at those moments that I started regretting my decision to decline Mark, because I really wanted to a dance to slow song. My thoughts were disrupted as I got a tap on my shoulder. When I turned around, Mark stood there smiling and asked me to dance with him. 

The song, Never Had A Dream Come True, played. My fears, my nervousness, disappeared as Mark led us on the dance floor. I wonder where my mind was while spinning in slow circles on the dance floors, but I bet I was squealing somewhat on the inside. As the song ended, Mark led me on the last spin and said the most swooning words I had heard as a kid, "have a goodnight, princess!' By his demeanor, I knew he meant it in a gentle and sincere way. Those were the last memories to that song. 

Reflecting on the events, I realize how God was present in revealing matters of the heart to me through Mark. Replaying the memories, I recalled the desire to be pursued. To be seen worthy to make a man be moved, to be chased in the best of ways, and to be treasured. I hold on to this memory to remember the purity of intentionality that is real in this world (because it is far too easy to lose hope). The kind of beauty where respect and dignity are met with authenticity. My eighth grade friend, Mark, showed me with so much simplicity, how a man can use their gifts to show woman the truth of our identities in the image and likeness of God. 

If I were to see my eighth grade friend again, I would thank him for the way he treated me and pursue me with courage, respect, and simply said, innocence. 


Sincerely,

Ahh me