Excerpt from a letter

"Dear friend,
I don't know how you are doing, I just know that you've been melancholic with your posts. Not a bad thing, I like depth, and sadness is profound. Emotions are like writing utensils. Some leave a longer lasting impression, but I guess that also depends on what platform it is placed on. Perhaps our skins would be the analogy of the platforms. Even a permanent marker could be washed off a mirror, and sometimes it is not the led of the pencil but the sharpness of its point that leaves an indent on paper no marker ever could. Perhaps that is also why different words or phrases stand out to people differently. Our skins change and what resonates with us is dependent on the surface we have at hand."

6 years

Is it bad that I almost forgot?

Is it an irony that today I go vote with you in mind?

What good triumph through in 2017?

One last hug in grounds that will not permit.

I miss your presence here.

Where I live is not a home,

Without you near.

I wish you were welcomed here.

Pour une seconde

Pour une seconded, they don’t look like weeds. 

Wake up call

 Good morning,

Waking up in the middle of the night is humbling because I realize that I am not in control.

Did I go run? Check

Did I avoid caffeine past 3pm? Check

Did I skip naps? Check

In the darkness, slowly rising to my thoughts. A surrender talk with God, specially of worries and wounds. I remember watching a video from Sister Mariam called Transformation from the Heart, which she talked about wounds. I don’t recall the exact phrasing but it went something like “wounds that are not transformed will be transmitted.” That terrifies me. I fear my wounds hurting my family and friends. Like watching family members and wishing the good of them yet feeling a little hopeless that they would permit their own wounds to be healed. But what if they tried? But what if I try and it’s not good enough? How can we surrender what we don’t fully know we need to surrender? Maybe I just don’t like the broadness to surrender everything because it’s harder to remain intentional with broadness. Like a “thank you God for everything!” Versus “thank you God for reminding me I am a light sleeper and therefor, not invincible.”

Sincerely,

Ahhhh me

Pessimisme

When it feels as if the Lord has given up on you, don't give way to sadness. Seek him with greater determination! He who is Love does not leave you on your

Be convinced that "he has left you on your own" out of Love, so that you may see clearly in your life what is his and what is yours.

-St. Josemaria Escriba

not deflated yellow balloon.

Wanting different things

Now playing: Friday Night by Eric Paslay 

"We get the behavior that we are willing to tolerate." - Fr. Mike